After winning big in the South Carolina primary the other day, Newt Gingrich declared, “I articulate the deepest-felt values of the American people,” and the entire nation threw its collective head back and laughed like a dope-smoking hyena.

Nate Beeler / Washington Examiner (click to view more Gingrich cartoons)

But the Republicans are worried. “What if this guy goes all the way?” they ask themselves in genuine terror. Right now, Obama is possibly vulnerable, but only if the Republicans can get an actual human being to oppose him. Romney, with his state of the art battery-pack and impeccable programming, won’t be able to take him out. Santorum’s brand of psycho-conservatism only plays well in the most judgmental of so-called Christian hearts. And Gingrich? He used the daughters from his first wife to convince people his second wife was lying about his third wife.

Newt Gingrich: making Hugh Hefner look classy.

So, yeah, I can empathize with the Republicans’ concern, and I also see why there is an online petition attempting to get Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana to jump in the race and become The Great White Hope the Republican Party so desperately needs.

“Run, Mitch, Run!” was launched at 8 p.m. Saturday evening, almost immediately after Gingrich was declared the winner of the South Carolina primary. The petition is approaching 5,000 signatures as of this writing.

Daniels considered running earlier this summer but decided against it, citing family concerns. A source close to Daniels said that the governor would not reconsider, so unless someone throws a curve ball, the current motley crew is all the Republican Party has to work with.

I’m sure Obama couldn’t be happier.

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Michael Kindt is writer living in South Dakota whose work has appeared in College Times, Midwest Lit Review and in the poetry anthology “It’s Dark & Scary In Here.” He’s the author of “Early Onset of Night, Volume One” and blogs at Early-Onset-of-Night.tumblr.com. Twitter: @MichaelKindt