Our guest today is John J. Smith of Carson City, Nevada, who is certified by the Gallup Organization as an “undecided voter.”
Q: Mr. Smith, what does the “J” stand for?
A: Joan. My parents weren’t sure if they wanted a boy or girl.
Q: Even after you were born?
A: To this day, actually.
Q: OK. It’s said that you and the other undecideds will ultimately select the next president. What are you doing to prepare?
A: I try to avoid mainstream media because it’s all biased, and I don’t pay attention to the know-it-alls on social networks. I read People magazine each week, and I’m a frequent caller to talk radio programs.
Q: So, what have you learned about Mr. Obama and Mr. Romney?
A: I think they’re both decent, sincere, family men.
Q: What about the important issues on which the candidates disagree?
A: That’s the problem. I don’t feel either man has explained what he’d do if elected. I’m waiting to hear their plans.
Q: Really? They’ve both outlined their plans in speeches and on their websites; there’s very little mystery.
A: They both talk about more jobs, fair taxes, strong defense. It all sounds the same to me.
Q: What about their qualifications?
A: One has a business background, the other has governing experience. It’s a toss-up.
Q: What about 2008? Did you prefer Obama or McCain?
A: I felt they were both decent, sincere, family men. However, neither ever said much about his plans.
Q: So, who did you vote for?
A: Oh, I didn’t vote. That would have jeopardized my status as an undecided voter. Listen, I’ve appeared twice with Frank Luntz on Fox News Channel, and he’s meticulous about being sure that his panel of undecideds doesn’t know anything about the race.
Q: Then what do you hope to achieve this year?
A: My goal is to make it to the Town Hall Debate on Oct. 16, when CNN’s Candy Crowley will take questions from undecided voters selected by Gallup. For us, that’s the World Series and Super Bowl wrapped in one.
Q: Any idea what you might ask?
A: I’m kind of, what’s the word…
A: Right. I know it’s important to pick a president you’d like to have a beer with, so I suppose I could ask if they prefer light beer or regular; draft or bottled; imported or domestic — you know, personal stuff.
Q: I believe Mr. Romney’s religion doesn’t allow him to drink.
A: Geez, how are voters supposed make up their minds?
Q: Will you be voting this year?
A: That’s a tough one, because both candidates are decent and sincere, but I don’t want the Gallup people to think I’ve waffled about being undecided.
Q: And your prediction?
A: If I’m lucky I’ll get my picture taken with Candy Crowley.
Peter Funt is a writer and speaker and can be reached at www.CandidCamera.com.
©2012 Peter Funt. Columns distributed exclusively by: Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate. For more info contact Cari Dawson Bartley. Email Cari@cagle.com, (800) 696-7561