High Atop the Deep Bench

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

And now a few words on the Democratic National Convention, which was ALSO interrupted by bad weather, and from this we can deduce that God is not overly fond of politicians. Proving that he/she indeed has something in common with a majority of the American public. We are special.

David Fitzsimmons / Arizona Daily Star (click to view more cartoons by Fitzsimmons)

The Dems opened their quadrennial confab headlining Michelle Obama, and the president’s wife loud wowed the crowd. Authentic and classy and inspiring, people immediately started examining the 25th Amendment for loopholes that would allow the First Lady to jump to the top of the line of succession. At least leapfrog Boehner. If not Biden.

The next day, Elvis re-entered the building. The Obama folks buried their ’08 bones of resentment in yesterday’s backyard to let the Big Dog off-leash, and the whole house howled at the moon. For 48 minutes, Bill Clinton barked it out old-school. Some naysayers scoff the only reason he was in North Carolina was confusion over whether Charlotte was host city or a dinner date set up by Eharmony.com.

No matter the motive compelling the 44nd POTUS to attend, it became obvious from the get-go that whatever it was that Hillary’s husband at one time had, he’s still got it. In spades.

While thunder rumbled just outside the Time Warner Cable Arena the real electricity was on the inside. Single-handedly he systematically laid out the most persuasive argument yet to re-elect President Bill Clinton… er, unh, Barack Obama.

Delegates swooned. MSNBC collectively spilled coffee on their laps wetting themselves. Even Michelle couldn’t hide a secret grin. Wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ann Romney had one too. Perhaps even he with the lean and hungry look, Paul Ryan.

And when you think about it, wasn’t really fair. Trotting out a former president to rally the troops. After all, Republicans don’t really have a former president to… oh wait. Yeah they do. Never mind. On a side note, Clinton said more nice things about George Dubyah than were heard from the entire GOP convention. Two.

After smashing his guitar on the floor of the podium you could almost hear the Man from Hope whisper to Mister Hope and Change as the two embraced, “Follow that Mofo.” And on the closing night he did, proceeding to give the third- or fourth-best speech of the convention.

While Tampa may have been bereft of Bushes, Charlotte curiously featured a distinct lack of former Democratic vice-presidential candidates. Not a Gore or a Lieberman or a home-state Edwards to be seen. Ain’t life odd.

On the final night, Edwards’ ticket mate, John Kerry, gave a rousing speech that had delegates wondering where this funny, self-deprecating guy was hiding in 2004. Jennifer Granholm assumed Ann Richards’ mantle getting in the best lines of the week; “Romney loves our cars so much they have their own elevator.”

Finally Joe Biden teared up, and Barack Obama tore it up. Not soaring to the golden-throated suburb that is Bubba Heights, but dignified, hopeful and focused. Dare we say, presidential.

Spending two weeks watching the best our political parties have to offer, it’s apparent the Democrats have a deep bench, while the Republicans seem to focus on an empty chair and two empty suits. But to be fair, they’re very nice suits. And they have balloons.

—–

The New York Times says five-time Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political comic working in the country today.” Check out the website: redroom.com to pre-order his soon-to-be-released book, “Elect to Laugh!” Go to willdurst.com to find out about stand up performances, such as: every Tuesday, also called Elect to Laugh! @ The Marsh, San Francisco. themarsh.org. Only nine. NINE! 9 shows to go. And this Tuesday we’re taping.

Copyright ©2012, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail cari@cagle.com. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.