I literally bumped into Liberal Lenny the other day and without even a “Hey how ya’ doin’,” he launched into his explanation for the districts that voted 100 percent in favor of Obama:
“I know whatcher t’inkin’, Rick. Yer t’inkin’ how iz it Obama gets 100 percent votes in so many districts. Well, ya gotta unnerstan’ no one inna city likes Rommey. He’s a one percenner, ya see? An’ besides, no black folk are gonna vote for Rommey except Allen West, so there’s the start.”
“Then ya got the unions, an’ no one there is allowed to vote Rommey, ya kiddin’ me? Look at Philly. Philly’s all Democratic so when ya got 59 districts that are voting, they’re voting Obama. Did ya see any Rommey signs in Philly? ‘Course not. People wanna live. That’s why you got 100% voting for Obama. Back in the day, Dubya Bush got shut out in five districts in Philly. Five. So, the Democrats had to figure how to get the message out. They did, and in 2008, McCain got zero votes in 57 districts. Now, Rommey gets zero votes in 59. We’re improving.”
“In fact, we’re so good now that we were able to get 75 Republican poll-watchers tossed out of election sites. One rotten Rethug lady got tossed out for real; I mean, they picked her up and chucked her right outa there, legal I.D. badge and all! It was great. So, it took awhile for some lousy judge to say the stinkin’ Republicans have just as much of a right to be legal poll watchers as us good Democrats and while they was getting their decision, we made sure all the votes were what they should be. That’s what I mean by ‘getting the message out,’ know whaddeye mean?”
“Now, you got Cleveland. Obama got 100 percent of all the votes in 9 districts, including the largest district, winning 542-0. And ya’ know why? ‘Cause it’s a liberal port city with unions and African-Americans an’ we got the good folks at the SEIU in charge of making sure all the voting machines are working right. They were very, very busy fixing the voting machines and I’d say they did the job very well.”
“Look, I read where there are 21 districts in Cleveland where Rommey got exactly zero votes. In 23 districts, he got exactly 1 vote each. And then I read where, in one of the districts where Obama won 100 percent of the vote, there was 100 percent turnout. I dunno if there was really 100 percent turnout, but I t’ink it shows we’re doin’ a much better job than those other guys, that’s all. In fact, in 44 districts, Obama won 14,686 to 23. Wassamatta, ya don’ like democracy?”
“The people spoke, an’ so did the people who speak for the people who spoke if ya knowwhateyemean.”
“Hey, you wanna know how good we really are? We’re so good that Obama won 141 percent of the vote in St. Lucie County, Florida. Now THAT’s what I call “getting the vote out!” And don’t you say a THING about challenging that vote count or we’ll all yell to the TV and newspapers that you’re trying to suppress the vote! Then they’ll turn their cameras and recorders to you and ask, ‘Why are you trying to suppress the vote?’ You don’t wanna be known as a ‘vote suppressor,’ now, do ya?”
Lenny gave me a big, Joe “Cheshire Cat” Biden grin that was something other than joy, touched his forehead and sauntered off; a man very pleased with himself.
© Copyright 2012 Rick Jensen, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Rick Jensen is Delaware’s Award-Winning Conservative Talk Show Host on 1150AM WDEL and 93.7FM HD3, Streaming live on WDEL.Com from 1pm – 4pm EST. Contact Rick at firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow him on Twitter @JensenVoiceover.