Raging Moderate by Will Durst
Still recovering from the sonic bombshell dropped by Jeb Bush announcing he was officially upgrading his prospective candidate status from… considering the formation of an exploratory committee to investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency to… actually authorizing the formation of an exploratory committee that will investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency? Our little caterpillar is now one step closer to being a big bad beautiful butterfly.
No one will admit the obvious: that the efforts of this exploratory committee could boil down to a simple poll question asking potential voters to rate how deep is their well of Bush Fatigue, on a one to five scale. With one being, “who cares what name is on the ballot, they’re all big fat liars anyway” to five indicating; “read my lips, no new Bushes. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Did I mention ever? Because I meant to say ever. Again.” (long pause) “Ever.”
John Ellis Bush, (Jeb for the initials) is son of George Herbert Walker Bush, the 41st President of the United States and younger brother of George Walker Bush, (Gwibby) the 43rd President. And proving that all things are relative, the former Florida Governor is generally considered “the smart one.”
Since sister Dorothy is a civilian, brother Marvin is retired, and other brother Neil’s main claim to fame is miraculously not being indicted in the Silverado Savings & Loan debacle during the 1980s, Jeb is the last great hope for the Bush Family to finally pull off a third invasion of Iraq and get it right.
The first Republican through the gate, Jeb will need to prove to the right and the righter that the only thing he has in common with his brother, father and/or grandfather is their name and a bucket of money. To reinforce that impression, a major order of business might be to convince Dick Cheney to shut the hell up and stop reminding people who tortured what when.
Either way, the Democrats won’t likely harp too severely on how anathema the concept of dynasty is to this country, since their own front-runner is the wife of a former president named William Jefferson Clinton. #42. Meaning if the two of them win their parties’ nominations, that will make the 2016 race Bush versus Clinton, a re-run of the 1992 election. Giving America the same choice it had 24 years ago. Only different. And not necessarily better.
Which will be great for all we comedians who can trot out our old 1992 material. It’s the green thing to do. Nostalgia and recycling: together again for the very first time. And for all you “history repeating itself” fanatics, in the year 2040, 24 further years down the electoral road, Hillary & Bill’s daughter, Chelsea, will be 60, and Jeb’s son, George P., 64 – and we can do it all over again. Again.
AND… if Jeb Bush actually does become the 45th POTUS, think of how great it would be for future American elementary school children who would be able to rattle off the answer to: “name the last five presidents” by counting their fingers: “Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Bush.” Like a club sandwich. With the Bushes as the white bread. And what could be more apropos than that?
Copyright ©2014, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.
Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for more about the documentary film “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar guide to personal appearances such as the Will & Willie Podcast December 17th & the Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show XXII, December 26- January 3.