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He-Man Woman Haters Club
By Michael Kindt on Wednesday, May 9th, 2012
Mitt Romney has an uphill battle. Unseating a sitting president is difficult for any candidate. The snake you know is always better than the snake you don’t. Plus, Mitt is GOP in 2012. A new Washington Post poll is out showing Obama ahead in the the swing state of Virginia 51 percent to 44 percent. It’s the fifth swing state poll in just a few days (the other four being Ohio, Wisconsin, Florida, and Pennsylvania), ...
Conservative Hypocrisy: Ted Nugent a Hero, but the Dixie Chicks are Traitors
By Michael Kindt on Wednesday, April 25th, 2012
In a very small ceremony held in my apartment yesterday, Ted Nugent was proclaimed ‘Dork of The Month’ by me, Michael Kindt. There were no other attendees. Three celebratory old fashioneds were consumed, followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The proceedings concluded around 11:30 PM, when I dozed off on the couch while reading a National Geographic. I would like to congratulate “the Nuge” on this triumph. The Dork of The Month Award ...
Report on Wine & Tapas
By Michael Kindt on Friday, April 20th, 2012
The following report is submitted to you because I am sick of writing about politics. There are people in this world who do nothing but write about politics and those people are crazy. I’m sane as hell. Really. The other night, I went out for wine and tapas. This seemed ridiculous to me, like something a person on TV would do, so I decided to write about it. I am not unfamiliar with tapas. I ...
What The Hell Is Wrong With Arizona?
By Michael Kindt on Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
Seriously, have they all gone nuts down there? Every week I hear about another wacky proposed law in Arizona. Sometimes it’s so outrageous, so bizarre, I can’t help but wonder if the entire state is punking me. Let’s take a gander at some recent gems that have come out of the troubled and squirming brains of Arizona’s legislators: #1 Outlawing cussing on the internet. This proposed law seeks to end trolling on the internet. Arizona ...
Plastic Surgery: Keeping Celebrities Looking Old and Stupid
By Michael Kindt on Friday, March 30th, 2012
What motivates them? Don’t they have eyes with which to see? Can’t they tell that all plastic surgery looks the same? —There’s the perpetually surprised face —There’s the retaining water face —There’s fat giant lips face That’s it. Those are the only options. Some choose all three, saying, “I wanna look like a puffy lunatic, plus old.” You would think that plastic surgery would evolve beyond cartoonishness, but it hasn’t. If a celebrity says “I ...
To Be Read While Blasting ‘Prison Song’ By System Of A Down
By Michael Kindt on Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
A presentation on March 13th by Corrections Corp of America touted the coming growth of the private prison business. It was geared toward potential investors and had a very bullish outlook on locking people up for profit, which is a good thing for the economy—and since we all want the economy to be good, yay, locking people up for profit! The presentation, in glowing tones, spoke mainly about how the private prison business is such ...
Soylent Pink
By Michael Kindt on Friday, March 9th, 2012
Pink slime is an ammonia-treated meat-like substance that has been used for decades to create really cheap food for the peasants of the United States. It is not much fun to look at, I know. Although technically classified as meat, microbiologist Carl Custer disagrees. “It’s not meat,” he said flatly. Custer, who has worked with the Food Safety Inspection Service for 35 years, said that the substance is primarily connective tissue and gristle. The texture ...
Limbaugh Goes Oink
By Michael Kindt on Sunday, March 4th, 2012
By now, everyone’s probably heard about Rush Limbaugh calling a woman a slut because she thinks contraceptives should be covered by insurance. It’s all over the place. Even some Republicans are upset with him. One of them, Scott Brown of Massachusetts, even called on him to, gasp, apologize. Some of Limbaugh’s wiser radio show sponsors are also jumping ship. Slut-shaming is a pathetic move you do when a woman behaves however she wants sexually and ...
A Thief In The Night of America
By Michael Kindt on Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
Let’s say you’re trying to fix your screen door. Last night, let’s say, it was terribly windy and the door came open and flapped back and forth uselessly, much like a politician’s tongue. Perhaps you were away visiting family or something and weren’t home to halt the destruction. So the screen door is all loose and a little bent and will no longer shut. It’s hanging there, screaming WHITE TRASH to the neighborhood.  So you ...
Sorry Haters, People Like Ellen DeGeneres
By Michael Kindt on Monday, February 20th, 2012
One Million Moms, a side project of the hate group American Family Association, is very angry at JC Penney. You see, JC Penney, probably drunk at the time on the white man’s fire water, hired Ellen DeGeneres, an openly gay woman, as it’s spokesperson. “Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families,” the One Million Moms wrote on their website. By ...