The UK Daily Mail has chosen Stephen Fry as its current arch fiend . Fry along with Richard Dawkins and 50 odd others put their names to a letter suggesting that a State visit (paid by the UK) might be inappropriate considering the Pope’s stance on condoms, gays and covering up paedophile scandals and so on.

This, according to the Mail was a gross discourtesy extended by ‘smug’ and “˜right-on’ ‘exhibitionists’. When confronted with many opposite comments from supporters of the letter the newspaper closed its comments section and published an intriguing rant by Peter Hitchens (Yes! The brother of famed atheist Hitch22) who took great delight in a highly personal slice and dice.  Attacking Fry would have to be one of the easiest jobs on the planet as no one attacks Fry like Fry attacks Fry himself. There’s little need to dig up any dirt on him as Stephen has already dug it up, poured it over his own head and ordered more.

The main points against Fry appear to be:

1.     Fry is not brainy enough. He seems brainy but he really isn’t as brainy as really brainy people.
2.     He is not Oscar Wilde
3.     Or P.G. Wodehouse
4.     His Jeeves and Wooster tv show wasn’t as good as the one with Dennis Price .
5.     He hasn’t got a clear policy on Cuba

It’s  true that Stephen Fry does set himself up as a brainy dude and enjoys spouting little known facts especially on his show which is all about that sort of thing. But he’d be the first to admit he’s no Stephen Hawking or even Richard Dawkins. Instead he’s created a cosy intellectual niche for himself as a stuffy but affable television classics master type. This is his schtick and I doubt that even he takes it that seriously. It’s also true that he’s not Oscar Wilde although he did play him in a movie. Many people are not Oscar Wilde in fact arguably only Oscar Wilde is or was Oscar Wilde. The same applies to P.G.Wodehouse who Peter Hitchens points out gave his seal of approval to the Dennis Price and Ian Carmichael “˜Jeeves and Wooster’ tv show. I’m not sure about this but it is entirely possible that being dead might have inhibited the great man in blessing the Fry and Laurie version.

Fry’s lack of a policy on Cuba is clearly a problem but I’m sure given a few sheets of paper and half an hour he could knock something up which would at least get a pass.

For my own part I admit to not being a “˜one eyed’ Stephen Fry fan. Fry dislikes those who poo-poo upper class nobs poncing about in striped blazers and sipping Pimms. He says it’s similar (the reverse) to mocking those less fortunate. I’d dispute this by saying it’s always fair and perhaps essential to poke fun at the upper classes. They call the shots and have all the money. Poking fun at those less advantaged than oneself has to be something quite different. I also tire of his chronic banging on about his riches even if it is bookended with apologies for the same.

However one must realise that given enough time Stephen Fry will talk write and ramble on about anything and everything and that being the case it is entirely reasonable that every now and again he’ll say something that is disagreeable to someone or other. The beauty of Fry though is he tries very hard not to be disagreeable. This is such a rare thing that it’s worth capturing in a net and pinning on a board in a museum. It’s this niceness and sense of reason that makes him such a wide target for his detractors. He won’t come after you with a big knife. Instead as in this case he’ll proudly display a badge (button) on his website saying “˜hated by the Daily Mail’ and leave it at that.

~Frank Scott

Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe riding through the glen
Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe with his band of men

Much has already been written about Russell’s foray into the Robin Hood saga. Consensus seems to be that the film is a rattling good yarn but sadly devoid of any of the humor and whimsy that generally make a good Hood tale. Instead there are massed battle scenes in the Saving Private Ryan meets Narnia mode and much brooding, grunting and fighting by Russell who, it must be said, is excellent at brooding, grunting and fighting. In fact it could be argued that a defining reason for the film being gritty and butch is simply because Russell does gritty and butch well but isn’t particularly well suited to roles that demand a lighter touch.

This does beg the question why give Russell the part in the first place. Since tough and angry is his thing why not give him the role as sheriff and allow him to stretch his badass muscles. The sheriff is by far the most interesting role in the Robin Hood movies and TV shows and Alan Rickman from the Costner film and Keith Allen from the recent superb BBC series both leave a high bar to jump over. Even the role of Guy of Gisborne played so well in the show by Richard Armitage would suit Russell better than that of Robin.

The legendary Crowe bad temper, recently seen only a few days ago when Russell flounced out of a BBC radio interview after being asked about Robin’s peculiar roving regional accent, should be proof enough that the actor’s true forte lies in playing villains. His superb portrait of a neo Nazi thug in Romper Stomper was chilling in its raw authenticity.  This character was totally believable and very scary and it’s a crying shame Russell hasn’t had the chance to expand on this interesting and deep veined theme rather than temper his resources by having to play the hero time and time again.

Let’s hope that any Robin sequels are shelved and Russell isn’t encouraged to play King Arthur or Flash Gordon. Instead let him be offered some full on psycho-evil roles. Think Dennis Hopper rather than Mel Gibson or Sly Stallone and leave the nice guy parts to the nice guys.

-Frank Scott
(no relation to Ridley)

O Joy! Let the poets sing and whistle rudely for once again an old Etonian holds the reins of England’s green and pleasant land. This pink cheeked man of privilege, David Cameron is the country’s youngest Prime Minister since Pitt the Younger or Pitt the Even Younger than that. His wife, Samantha, is distinguished not only by her noble profile but by being part of a family that owns vast tracts of turf throughout the land including parks,several castles and the odd forest possibly containing Russell Crowe. Her ancestors sold Buckingham Palace to King George the Third (with the help, it must be said of Sir Phil Spencer and Lady Kirstie Allsopp* who showed him several other properties before he bit)

Tony Parsons, the popular novelist (Man and Boy, Man, Woman and Boy, Man, Woman, Boy and Dog etc) and plain talking guru of the UK Mirror newspaper suggested just before the election that a posh nob like Cameron might be ill equipped for the most important job in the country as, due to his protected and coddled background, he’d have no awareness of how the man in the street really feels or thinks. He’s wrong of course as pain and suffering has no regard for the class barrier. The man in the street (bless) would have no way of appreciating the angst Mr Cameron might feel if cook overboiled his breakfast egg or if the trouser maid screwed up the crease of his pants. These are issues that only a chap who’s ‘born to rule’ can comprehend.

Mr Cameron also, it is alleged, was once in trouble  for smoking marijuana at Eton. It’s this kind of devil may care rebel attitude that indicates the toughest and coolest of characters. By all reports he had to write out 500 lines of Latin text as punishment, a chore that would have kept him from swanning about the river in a candy striped blazer or lying baked in the cool grass with a bag of lemon sherberts* listening to the whack of leather on willow. Who knows what anguished hellish thoughts writhed through his mind as his hand struggled to keep pace with Caesar or Cicero or Virgil. Spending a year or ten in a maximum security prison surrounded by maniacs with shivs and over ripe sexuality is nothing to 500 lines of Latin. This man has paid his debt to society and has come out the other side refreshed, humbled and ready to lead.

The seriously impressive Gordon Brown has passed the baton which young David has duly wiped with aloe vera and waved aloft. Obama has made the phone call expressing whatever Presidents express at this kind of time and the Queen has shook his hand no doubt thrilled that finally there’s a PM who’ll know which knife to use with the soup.

One question remains. Will the power go to his head? Or is he, as a toffee nosed toff so well bred that even if it does, we won’t be able to pick it.

* Adorable UK televison celebs

* Adorable UK candy

-Frank Scott

The Joy and Fetishism of  Kindle

The increasingly liverish Steve Jobs said that ‘people don’t read anymore’. It was this statement that led me to reject the siren call of ipad in favor of a device that is specifically designed for readers. Now a Kindle DX sits on my desk and not only am I convinced I did the right thing, I’m pleased to report that I’m over the moon with my new purchase.

Nine Groovy things about the Kindle

1.    You can read on it. Yes, you really can. Really really well.
2.    No movies
3.     No games
4.    No freaking Facebook.
5.    No email.
6.    No twitter.
7.    Web surfing is too clumsy to bother.
8.    No spam.
9.    No color.

It may seem a little defensive to make a plus factor out of all the things the kindle can’t do but there are some of us out here who are heartily sick of being pestered by the needy bright lights and incessant attention seeking apps on our computers. We, the minority who dare not whisper that we rather miss the old days of the net when gophers burrowed deep into the bowels of endless text files, the height of graphic cool was an ascii sig file and nothing blinked at us like a sign from a strip joint.

The virtue of the Kindle is its simplicity. It is designed for readers pure and simple and there are a lot of readers out there despite what Steve Jobs says.

There are many of us who’ve read on average two books a week since they were teenagers and who spend much of their lives in libraries and book stores.  Yet book prices are now astronomical and many of us now cruise the online used book sites rather than splashing out on a brand new paperback.

The Kindle takes it one step further. There are thousands of classic texts freely available to download. If you’re a fan of early C20 or C19 literature you’ll be a like pig in poo. Delving into the listings of out of copyright texts is like discovering a treasure chest of delights way more satisfying than bejewelled faux scimitars and ornate tasteless brooches.

My new Kindle DX is now brimming with Trollope, Chekov, Turgenev etc and esoteric titles from back lists that I’ve never seen in any book store. Since the Kindle can adjust font sizes readers don’t have to hunt around for their glasses. This alone should be a major selling point for us older folk who are forced to ignore many excellent texts in Everyman size due to visibility problems.

Nicholson Baker in his New Yorker Kindle piece was struck by the greyness of the screen.  He made the point that the display was sombre and was not conducive to reflecting humor. He may be right. I haven’t attempted to read anything funny yet. The font chosen is a little sombre but this hasn’t impacted on any of my reading up to now. In fact it’s interesting to read something written in the early 1900′s and then follow it up with a downloaded copy of The Independent (UK newspaper). Both are displayed with the same font and one gets the impression we’re all living in an eternal post modern steam punk era.

There are of course numerous hacks that will change the font for those determined to fiddle. There are many kindle forums where tips and tricks are exchanged and Amazon’s customer service is discussed. Kindles (as do all e-readers) break and it seems that Amazon responds very quickly to complaints. This is key as a Kindle can’t be passed on to a local tech guy if something goes wrong. I bought my machine on the understanding that Amazon will do the right thing if there’s a drama and much of what I’ve read on the forums suggests that they will.

A current worry seems to be that buying a Kindle will tie the consumer to Amazon. If one can be bothered this seeming monopoly can be circumvented with various file conversion apps. Yet one could do a lot worse than being connected with Amazon. I’ve been buying non digital books from them ever since they opened shop and have never had a complaint. I’ve found their storefront with its ‘other readers who bought this also bought this’ section to be invaluable.

There are lots of alternative e-readers out there and there are going to be many more. This is just the beginning. The wonderful ipad and similar tablets are really great no mistake but a dedicated e-reader is always going to be preferable for hard core readers to a machine that has its focus elsewhere.