The Batty Battalion

Your Ever-Vigilant Friends at the NSA
By Will Durst on Monday, June 17th, 2013
Raging Moderate, by Will Durst Dear U.S. Citizen, Please accept our most egregiously sincere apologies for the difficulties and inconveniences the secret monitoring of your phone records and email and GPS units and foreign travel and bank accounts and yes, even your snail mail has evidently caused. We here at the NSA strive for the perfection of our services, which depend on the chronic obliviousness of you, our valued customers. Unfortunately, due to one disgruntled ...
Pardon My Cantonese
By Will Durst on Monday, June 10th, 2013
Raging Moderate, by Will Durst Awfully odd to see the French getting their panties in a big bad bundle over gay marriage. Like watching a river otter work a crossword puzzle. In ink. Recently the entire country went completely bonkers with thousands taking to the streets to express concern over the level of free will leaking out of the same-sex end of their famously perforated hose of liberté, egalité and fraternité. It’s so counter-intuitive. We’re ...
The Tangled Tango
By Will Durst on Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
Raging Moderate, by Will Durst As part of the brash rash of wire-brush scouring on the Teflon coating that routinely seals the Obama presidency, a large heavy-duty cast-iron deal has been made of the IRS conducting audits on Tea Party-affiliated organizations. But scratch the surface and it makes a sort of perverse sense. Tea Party and Associates are what you might call… anti-tax. Like meringue is anti-diet. So much so, they eschew the easy road ...
Benghazi Smoke Screen
By Will Durst on Monday, May 20th, 2013
Raging Moderate, by Will Durst Up until about an hour ago, most Americans thought Benghazi was the guy who palled around with John Cassavetes back in the ’60s, but now it’s obvious we’re talking about the foreign policy arm of a multi-ramped tar pit the president has found himself swimming — up to his armpits. Yes, friends, it’s pity time at the White House. After flogging the issue nonstop since September 11, the Fox News ...
The Batty Battalion
By Will Durst on Monday, May 13th, 2013
Raging Moderate, by Will Durst You do realize that Washington, D.C. is not the real world, don’t you? It’s a state of mind. An altered state of mind. Where you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Slammed when you stand and rammed when you run. Berated if you lie and lambasted for the truth. Where even the slightest of breeze can carry the pollen of disaster. And the pack on top knows ...