It may seem hard to believe that a thrice-married, serial philanderer like Donald J. Trump could prove himself to be more effective than couples therapy but, in the case of my wife and I, it’s true.
Donald Trump saved my marriage.
During the 2016 presidential campaign, there were many stories reported about friendships, relationships and, yes, even marriages destroyed by volatile clashes arising from Donald Trump’s primary bid and his eventual nomination as Republican party candidate. Not so for us. Candidate and eventual-President Trump brought my wife and I together, helping us grow closer than we’d been in years.
Like many couples, the day-to-day toll of work and raising a family can often come between husbands and wives. Donald Trump re-invigorated our relationship.
The president has given us something to get excited about. Not in a romantic sense, of course, although the level of heat and excitement his never-ending shenanigans has generated often causes both of our hearts to race, get red in the face, and break into a sweat. One daily dose of Donald J. Trump is like ingesting a human version of Viagra. He can keep you up all night.
I’m sure many others who didn’t elect to be part of our present national nightmare feel the same as we do. Maybe they’re just too embarrassed to talk about it. I understand. It’s often difficult to discuss some of the most important things in life. Like politics, religion, finances, family, and sex.
But how can we not talk about sex with this philanderer-in-chief in office? How can all men not emulate President Trump’s smooth, straightforward approach to women? After all, when you’re a star (or president) all you need do is reach out and grab them somewhere south of the border. No walls or barriers necessary when you’re the “leader of the free world.” Not even North Korea would put up a fight.
And how could any woman resist a man whose suave and debonair style has conquered the hearts and, well, whatevers, of Playboy Playmates and adult entertainment stars? And, probably, untold numbers of other women as well. But let’s not focus on President Trump’s sexual prowess. Let’s get back to matters more important than the size of his hands.
Before President Trump took office, before he allegedly witnessed Russian, Ukrainian, and Slavic women bouncing belligerently upon a bed once shared by the current president’s predecessor and his wife. Before golden showers rained down upon our everyday lexicon, we were subjected to leaders who were boring. Leaders whose peccadillos were secondary to the policies they preached. Well, except of course in the case of Bill Clinton. He was almost as much fun to watch as President Trump. But way too serious about the job.
No longer do my wife and I spend time arguing over busted budgets, replacing rolls of toilet paper, physical aches and pains, migraine headaches, long-overdue car repairs, sex, refinancing the house, our latest attempts at dieting, lack of vacation time, lack of exercise, where to eat, sex, what movie to watch, ailing parents, our kids. You know, humdrum things that take up far too much time, energy, and effort in any couple’s lives. The normal stuff. But these are abnormal times.
Now, instead of yelling at each other, we scream at the television. Sometimes the volume level approaches something akin to shrieks of ecstasy. Except neither of us is ecstatic about the things we see or hear emanating from the White House or Capitol Hill.
Before Donald Trump came along, my wife expressed little interest in what was going on in the world. I’d often chide her for this. Not anymore. Now, we stay up on current events together. We eagerly switch the remote control to watch what often seems like a bad Spanish-language telenovela.
We just can’t wait for the latest episode of “The Mueller Investigation”; “Michael Cohen For The Defense”; “The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming”; or “Conflict of Interest.” Ratings for those shows are killer.
So, if you want to liven things up in your marriage, I wholeheartedly recommend tuning in to your favorite cable news channel each and every night. Better yet, tune in to news channels that you wouldn’t ordinarily watch. That’s even more fun. Maybe even slightly kinky. I get excited just thinking about it.
Copyright 2018 Blair Bess distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Blair Bess is a Los Angeles-based television writer, producer, and columnist. He edits the online blog Soaggragated.com, and can be reached at [email protected]