Anyone interested in all things "Jersey" knows two things by now — Snookie managed to procreate and Chris Christie is set to give the keynote address during the Republican National Convention in Tampa on Tuesday (delayed a day because of Tropical Storm Isaac).
I keep reading pundit after pundit trying to predict what Christie is going to say during his speech, as if it's any big surprise he's going to promote himself, bring a little "Jersey" to Florida and bash President Obama over jobs. This is a partisan, red-meat munching event, after all.
I'm more interested in what's going to be left unsaid by conservative's favorite straight-talking Governor to an expected audience of more than 50 million people across the country.
I'm willing to bet you won't hear Christie saying...
"The Jersey Comeback is going strong!" - In fact, don't expect any specifics on New Jersey's economy at all, which current ranks 31st out of 50 states in terms of job creation and is experiencing it's largest unemployment rate in 35 years. New Jersey's unemployment rate, now at 9.8 percent, is well below the national unemployment rate every Republican in attendance of the convention, with the exception of Christie, will mention relentlessly.
"Global warming is real and manmade." - For this audience, admitting the overwhelming scientific evidence points to our contribution to global warming would be tantamount to treason, even as Tropical Storm Isaac has thrown a monkey wrench into their convention plans. Yes, I know the gulf deals with hurricane season every year, but it's also true that climate change is already contributing to an increased frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, something Christie is willing to admit far away from members of the tea party and GOP microphones.
"Being in this country without proper documentation is not a crime." - While he won't say anything nice about brown-skinned people at a convention filled with "build a wall" Neanderthals, this is actually an exact quote from a church forum Christie spoke at during his campaign for governor. He also told Politico back in 2010 that America needs to come up with a "clear" path to citizenship. He might as well tell convention goers he hates Ronald Reagan, who coincidentally enough, was also for amnesty for illegal immigrants.
"I'm in favor of some gun-control measures." - In the wake of yet another shooting last week in New York, don't expect any Republican to speak sensibly about the need for better restrictions when it comes to purchasing guns. But Christie is much more moderate when it comes to guns, telling Sean Hannity that he's in favor of "common sense" gun control laws. He might as well tell Republicans he's for the government taking away all guns, arresting hunters and giving a fine to anyone spotted in public wearing camouflage."
"President Obama has been a great ally in reforming education for kids." — You can fully expect to hear Christie talk about the need to compromise, and his own ability to do so in New Jersey. But when a sizeable portion of Republicans still think Obama hates America and is indoctrinating our kids, don't expect Christie to go anywhere near the subject of education, unless he's bashing teacher unions. He even borrowed Obama's 2008 campaign tagline when he said he aimed to restore "hope" to New Jersey students.
© Copyright 2012 Rob Tornoe, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Rob Tornoe is a political cartoonist and a WHYY contributor. Rob can be reached at [email protected]