Raging Moderate, by Will Durst
All of America should drop to its knees and thank the GOP for attempting to provide us with replacement fireworks. As you undoubtedly know, cities all over the country this year were forced to cancel Fourth of July festivities due to fear of fire, glitchy computers and twitchy bureaucrats. Like there's another kind.
The Republican House took great pains to salve our sensory-deprived souls by trying to set off enough indoor fireworks to make the San Diego Big Bay Bust look like a fluttering votive candle. It was designed to be a spectacular explosion fueled by ego, obstinacy and behavior so self-absorbed, the casual bystander might assume we were in the middle of an election year.
For the 33rd time, all House business slammed to a grinding halt to accommodate another vote to repeal Obamacare. Again. Thirty-three times. Let's look at that, shall we? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.
You got to give the majority party credit for being able to flog this dead horse without getting any flying bits on them. Thirty-three times is at least 32 times more than the administration ever tried to sell this bill to a public overwhelmingly in favor of its component parts.
They persevered even though everyone knows there's a better chance of flamingoes flying out of monkey butts than the Senate ever signing on. And getting past a presidential veto, substitute polka-dotted pterodactyls for the flamingoes.
As political theater goes, this sad summer-stock production fizzled with tired choreography and a script duller than Shakespeare in modern dress performed by third-graders in Mandarin. No wonder they keep trying to cut funding for the arts, they're deathly afraid of the competition.
They rationalized this particular Theater of the Absurd production by claiming the necessity to make a statement. And indeed a statement has been made. That Congress is broken and impotent and hopelessly in need of adult supervision. Even as we speak, you can hear their 8 percent approval rating clanking down the basement steps to unimagined depths.
It has been estimated this extended season of Cirque de Folly has taken up two cumulative weeks of business at a cost of $24 million a week. That's what it takes to keep the congressional gears oiled and moving. Nearly $50 million to hammer home a point more tedious than slogging through the instruction booklet for an Egyptian-made solar generator.
We're not even talking about more millions wasted to appease the base by blatantly restricting women's rights. This is all perfectly good money that could have been spent on further tax cuts for the rich. Even with inflation, $50 million worth of oil subsidies could go a long way. Any idea how many car elevators you could buy with that kind of money?
The official party line on Obamacare is "repeal and replace," but nobody has anything to replace it with. Ask for specifics and Republicans mumble and fidget and get as vague as Donald Trump talking about the importance of ethics while closing the deal.
First there was Romneycare, and now we got Obamacare, but if the har- line conservatives get their way, this country is going to end up with We Don't Care. Less Care For You. Couldn't Care Less. Just might have to rename these fiscally responsible charlatans as... The Care Less Party.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today." Check out the website: Redroom.com to buy his upcoming e-book or find out more about stand- up performances. Or willdurst.com.
Also: every Tuesday. Elect to Laugh! The Marsh. San Francisco. Only 17 shows left. themarsh.org. Special $10 tix. Use code "vote."
Copyright 2012, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected] Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected] Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst's book, "The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing," is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don't forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.