Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

Remember the good old days when the biggest Halloween decorating controversy was whether the outdoor display should be erected before or after noon on October 30?

Well, this year a South Carolina couple unwittingly panicked well-meaning passers-by with the festive illusion of their house being engulfed in flames and smoke. (One neighborhood busybody didn’t bother to join other concerned citizens in calling 911, but she did lecture youngsters to toast only vegan marshmallows on the “inferno.”)

Furthermore, an Alabama sheriff drew nationwide attention for showcasing three skeletal ICE agents pursuing two sombrero-wearing skeletons. A realistic depiction of a man being hanged from a tree triggered onlookers in Newburgh, Indiana. In Houston, Texas, mannequins wearing red (MAGA?) hats were hanged from a gallows sporting Mexican flags.

And a Kentucky man was jailed for displaying fake corpses of local officials. Apparently this was a preemptive move to make him think twice about his Nativity scene plans. (“We three kings of Orient are/The dog catcher’s tied up in the trunk of the car.”)

I realize some people’s fervent beliefs can’t be confined to a mere bumper sticker, but surely venting one’s spleen with elaborate curbside “statements” is not worth shattering the innocence of little princesses and super-heroes. At least go the educational route with some classic historical politics. (“Only a zombie could swallow the Missouri Compromise of 1820!”)

I mean, what if these incendiary political gestures are allowed to spread from Kentucky to Washington, D.C.? I can just imagine Roy Scheider’s ghost announcing, “You’re gonna need a bigger crypt.”

I’m trying not to be too judgmental about problematic lawn scenes. There aren’t many (any?) handbooks of Halloween etiquette, so sometimes the boundary between good taste and atrocious taste is a gray area. Sometimes even the best of us make an impulsive misstep. And sometimes people are just blessed with a “fun-size” brain, bless their hearts.

Yes, some salt-of-the-earth folks are just behind the times on political correctness. Some let their creativity overwhelm their inhibitions. And some people are just cranky codgers. In the jargon of picky trick-or-treaters, these people are truly the circus peanuts of neighbors.

And some people just want to take a pagan holiday and out-pagan the pagans. (“Here – hold my pumpkin spice beer.”)

*Sigh* I suppose Halloween is the appropriate time to find out about the prejudices and grudges you thought your neighbor had long conquered. (“It’s alive! It’s alive!”)

Halloween is a time of fears, but I also have hopes. I hope that the story of “the boy who cried wolf” will be taken to heart by anyone trying to one-up the “burning house” scene I mentioned. (“Great car crash scene, Liam! Especially your head through the windshield! I’m recommending you for a blue ribbon from the Homeowners Association. Just as soon as I do something about the gasoline flame that has engulfed my pants leg! Aiiiieeee!”)

I’m also hoping the sensational stories I cited are just outliers and not the tip of the iceberg. Because icebergs would give people too many dangerous ideas. (“Hey! We could do a display of polar bears eating people who voted differently than us on LGBTQ+ issues!”)

Finally, even though I’ve probably stirred up a new controversy (“Do we jump to the crossword puzzle before or after getting half-way through Tyree’s meanderings?”), I hope this is a memorable Halloween for you and your family.

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Copyright 2025 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”